I woke up this morning feeling so elevated in my spirit man. My morning prayer was more of thanksgiving; I guess it’s as a result of the miracle of healing through my pastor husband. He was informed on phone of a dying 16months old boy in the hospital, he just spoke a word and instantly the boy was revived. I was grateful for the privilege of being a pastor’s wife. Though it has not been easy but the Holy Spirit has being helping me.
As I was basking in the euphoria of the awesomeness of God, I got a distress call from a friend who is
also a pastor’s wife, she sounded like someone who was standing on top of a cliff ready to jump down not minding the consequences. From the phone conversation I discovered that my friend needed urgent attention.
Friend: mummy Uzo(as she fondly calls me)I need to see you now before I do what PFN and CAN will not recover quickly from.
Me: Haaaah! My friend, please don’t do anything you will regret. Have mercy on the body of Christ oh!
Friend: It’s complicated, can’t talk on phone. Are you in your church office now?
Me: on my way, please start coming let’s meet there. (I dint know what to think or what to pray for my friend before her arrival, I just heard my heart beating gbagam, gbagam, gbagam as if it will fall out from my mouth. The only prayer I could mutter was, oh God, save PFN and CAN from my friend. I stood at the gate of our church waiting for her arrival, my friend showed up 40 minutes later. Somany questions came to my mind at the same time out of curiosity.
Me: my sister, what happened? How is pastor, your children, is everything ok——-?
Friend: it’s my pastor husband and the church elders oh.
Me: is anything the matter with them, was there an accident?
Friend: that would have been better for them, for the insult they all connived to heap on me.
Me 🙁 I did not believe I was hearing what I just heard from my fellow pastor’s wife.) My friend I have always told you to control what you say anytime you are angry. Remember that you are a pastor’s wife.
Friend: Really! So why did my pastor husband and our church elders call me this morning to say that my responsibilities as a ’mama’ in the church is non-effective, therefore (sobbing)
Me: please calm down and talk to me, therefore what?
Friend: my responsibility will be given to someone else.
Me: WHAT! God forbid, they want to marry another wife for your husband?
Friend: hey! God forbid, who can try that?
Me: (I quickly heaved a sigh of relief with a big THANK GOD) what are they planning to do about your irresponsibility?
Friend: mama Uzo, are you joining them to say that I am irresponsible?
Me: hey! (I was already on the defensive) not at all my friend, am only trying to repeat what the elders and your pastor husband said.
Friend: don’t mind those people; I don’t understand the kind of responsibility they are asking for. I have my career, the children, my husband, and other matters that require my attention. Do they want me to kill myself?
Me: hmmmm! But has your pastor husband ever complained about this matter?
Friend: ye ye yes,(she said stammarinly,like a child caught stealing candies.) he has been complaining but we have not been able to proffer any solution. He once told me that my nonperformance was affecting him negatively.
Me: ok! What solution have they come up with?
Friend: They said that they will appoint the women’s leader to take over my responsibility since she is more available.
Me: (I was short of words at that moment and the only word I could mutter was) REALLY? (How on earth did they come about such solution or are they trying to threaten my friend?)
Friend: but I will not let that happen, instead, I will raze the church down and I will do it the day time when everyone will see me. PFN and CAN will know that there is an aggrieved pastor’s wife somewhere.
Me: it’s ok my sister, it has not gotten to that, let’s just find a way forward.
Friend: that’s why I am here. See me see local trouble my sister, I am tired of all these ooh.
Me: it’s just a challenge and God will help us. First of all I want you to know that being a pastor’s wife is an incomparable privilege from God. And all privileges have responsibilities and sacrifices attached to them. As we can see from the book of Luke 12 VS 48, God has already deposited in you what it takes to handle this awesome duty.
Friend: I know being a pastor’s wife has dignity but is that why I should be accused of IRRESPONSIBILITY? After all, I dress gorgeously and always sit and smile beside my pastor husband everywhere.
Me: is that all? Tufiakwa, God forbid (you mean………. just sitting right beside your pastor husband is a dignified responsibility? Can’t imagine my own colleague of many years sounding like this) as I was saying, a pastor wife‘s responsibilities are to;
- Her husband
- Her Children
- Her Husband’s ministry
- Her local church
- The body of Christ and
- Her gift and calling
Friend: mama, mama, so how do I combine all these, am I a machine? Do you really do all these yourself?
Me: by wisdom and by the help of the Holy Spirit.
Friend: I can’t believe you are indirectly telling me that I am foolish and that I don’t have the Holy Spirit in me.
Me: haba! Friend, don’t get me wrong. I only mean that the right application of wisdom and right approach to the Holy Spirit is all you need.
Me: your ability to handle your pastor husband both in secret and in public will determine how well he will perform in his pastoral assignment. You must care for his spirit soul and body needs, I know it’s quite daunting and a lot needs to be sacrificed, that is why wisdom is necessary just like it was for the vitreous woman in Prvb. 30vs1-end.
You will also have to be there for your children not neglecting the church needs especially the ones assigned to your office.
You must also bear in mind that you have a destiny or your gift and calling to fulfill so that the deposit of God in your life will not be a waste. Also, as a mentor, you still owe the younger women a responsibility of mentorship. All you need to do to be more effective is to DELEGATE.
Friend: DELEGATE? How?
Me: yeah. If you had done it in the first place, your unavailability or inactiveness wouldn’t have been noticed. You would have by yourself, delegated some of your responsibilities to you women’s leader and other capable hands in your church. Delegation is what your pastor husband and the elders were trying to do on your behalf.
Friend: hmmmmmm! True talk.
Me: the only responsibility I will never advice you to delegate is the one towards your husband and partially that of your children, but others could be delegated while you supervise.
Friend: mummy Uzo, mummy Uzo, I too like your talk; you always have a way of calming my temperature.
Me: you will really need to work on this your temperature.
Friend: Hmmm! I know, I know. That is why the bible said iron sharpensiron. I knew my coming here must bring solution. But another thing we really need to talk about is my circular job, its affection things oh.
Me: my friend I thank God for your job but you will need to trust God for self-employment. It is necessary so that you can have a monopoly of your time. You need to be more committed in God’s service as a pastor’s wife; whatever else you do is on part time except your service to work.
Friend: thank you so much my sister. Please let me take a little rest before going back home.
Me: that’s fine, but while resting, just take a book from the shelve for your perusal.
Friend: book again, is it part of the deal?
Me: oh yeah! Books are important, especially those of older women who have excelled as mothers and pastor’s wife. Just pick one from the left shelve, I can borrow you but make sure you return it next week.
Friend: ok madam.
Me: always remember that you have the Holy Spirit as your partner in progress.
BY Uzoma Grace Amaka